Overview
What xenby means.
Xenby — also spelt xenbie — is a portmanteau: xeno, from xenogender, and enby, the spoken form of NB. The LGBTQIA+ Wiki defines it as a term for people who identify as xenic and non-binary. It is less a new gender than a way of saying two true things in one word: my gender sits outside man and woman, and the words that describe it are not human-gender words at all.
The record lists several shapes it can take, and this is worth reading slowly. Someone with more than one gender, of which at least one is non-binary and at least one is a xenogender. Someone whose fluid gender moves mostly between non-binary and xenogender states. Someone whose gender is vast, or stellar, or otherwise xenic, who also counts as non-binary. The common thread is both at once — not non-binary with a xenogender aesthetic, and not a xenogender that declines the non-binary umbrella.
Two honesty notes. The wiki page carries a flag that its sources need verification, and the term's own history is mostly a flag date rather than a coining story. What it is not: a synonym for xenogender. Most xenogender people are also non-binary and do not need a word for the overlap. Xenby is for those who do.
A term for people who are both non-binary and xenogender — two claims, held together.
Xenby in one line
Origin
Where the word comes from
The LGBTQIA+ Wiki's page for xenby is marked as having no history section, and no coiner or coining date could be verified for the term itself. What is on record is a flag credited to the Tumblr user imoga-pride, posted 14 January 2019, with at least one later alternate design; that dates the word's visible public presence to the same late-2010s period in which xenogender vocabulary expanded rapidly on Tumblr, without documenting who first combined "xeno" and "enby" or when.
Signs people describe
Common experiences
None of these is a test. Most people recognise a few and shrug at the rest.
"Non-binary" is true and stops one sentence short.
"Xenogender" is true and skips the sentence before.
You have two answers to the gender question and they are not in competition; they are the same answer at two zoom levels.
You hold more than one gender and at least one of them has an ordinary non-binary name while another has none.
Some weeks it is plainly non-binary and you can say so in a meeting.
Other weeks the only honest answer is a texture, or a colour, and you say nothing.
You tried dropping the xeno word to seem sensible and it felt like lying by omission.
You tried dropping non-binary to seem specific and it felt like abandoning your people.
Nobody outside two group chats has ever heard the word, and you are fine with that.
Pronouns
Pronouns
No pronoun set comes with this. They/them is common, neopronouns are common, and holding several sets at once is common. Pronouns and gender are separate decisions; one is not evidence of the other.
Consider another path
This might not be your word if…
- 1Xenogender already covers you and adding non-binary would be saying it twice. Most xenogender people are here.
- 2Non-binary already covers you and the xeno word is decoration you could not defend if pressed.
- 3You like the sound of the portmanteau. That motive burns out fast and leaves you further from an answer.
- 4What you feel is nothing where gender should be. Agender is the word for absence, and it is not a xenogender.
Close by
Related identities
Xenogender
The umbrella for genders described through something other than male, female or neutral. Xenby adds the explicit non-binary claim. If you never felt the need to say both, xenogender alone is the word.
Read
Non-Binary
The umbrella most xenby people give to strangers. Non-binary places you relative to man and woman; the xeno half says that line is not the measuring device. Xenby is the two together.
ReadXenofluid
Fluid movement through xenogenders. The record lists fluid people who move mostly between non-binary and xenic states under xenby; if the motion is the point rather than the pairing, read xenofluid first.
ReadMultigender
More than one gender. One xenby shape on record is multigender with a non-binary gender and a xenogender among them. If the count matters more than the kinds, multigender is the plainer word.
ReadStargender
One concrete xenogender, and the record mentions stellar xenic people as one xenby case. Stargender names the content; xenby names the fact that you also count yourself non-binary.
ReadQuestions people ask
Frequently asked questions
What does xenby mean?+
A term for people who are both xenogender and non-binary and want a word that says so. The LGBTQIA+ Wiki records several shapes: multigender with a non-binary and a xenic gender, fluid between the two, or a vast or stellar xenic gender that also counts as non-binary. It is the overlap, named.
Is xenby the same as xenogender?+
No. Xenogender is the umbrella for genders described through something other than human-gender words. Xenby is for people who hold that and the non-binary label together, on purpose. Most xenogender people are also non-binary and never need the second word.
Is demixenby a real term?+
It appears on the same wiki record, as a partial version: someone whose gender is part demixenogender and part deminonbinary, in one of several arrangements. It is a very small word with a thin record. Use it if it does work; do not feel you need it.
The flag
Lgbtqia.wiki: flag by Tumblr user imoga-pride on 14 January 2019 (post fetched, image-only); no hex codes; an alternate 2021 flag exists.
Sources
- Xenby — LGBTQIA+ Wiki Definition (xenic and non-binary), the listed shapes, demixenby, and the page's own flag that its resources need verification. Fetched and read.
Still figuring things out?
Twenty questions, four minutes, and a few words worth trying on.