Overview
What femboy means.
Femboy is a word for a male or masculine person who presents femininely: the skirt, the thigh-highs, the soft hair, the pastel hoodie, sometimes the way he talks or moves. Collins, quoted on Wikipedia, calls it a male whose appearance and behavioural traits are regarded as conventionally feminine. The record on the LGBTQIA+ Wiki says the term has more to do with gender presentation than gender identity. Both are saying the same thing: this is about how you look, not what you are.
That said, the people using it are not all one thing. Many are cis men and boys. Some are trans men, non-binary people or masc-leaning people of other kinds — the wiki notes that some femboys hold a partly feminine gender, and Wikipedia's femboi spelling reaches trans men and butch lesbians. The word does not decide your gender for you. It describes the outside.
Two honest warnings. Wikipedia records that the word began in the 1990s as a pejorative for non-masculine men, has been reclaimed, and may still be used as a slur against trans women. And the wiki records that a lot of the outside attention is fetish, which is why the community keeps having to say: this is a wardrobe and a way of being, not a category of porn. Tomgirl is the older, gentler cousin — a girlish boy, formed by flipping tomboy.
Feminine presentation on someone who is male or masc-leaning — expression, not identity.
Femboy in one line
Origin
Where the word comes from
Femboy has no single named coiner; both the LGBTQIA+ Wiki and Wikipedia describe it as emerging in the 1990s, originally used as a pejorative for feminine boys and men before being reclaimed within queer and online communities. The variant "femboi" later extended into some trans-men's and butch-lesbian spaces.
The word pairs "feminine" with "boy" the same way "tomboy" (a girlish word inverted from "tom," meaning a rough boy, applied to boyish girls since the 16th century) works in the other direction; "tomgirl" is the more direct, though far less common, mirror term for a girlish boy. Femboy has remained contested: it still surfaces as a slur used against trans women even as many cisgender and non-binary people who fit the description use it about themselves.
Signs people describe
Common experiences
None of these is a test. Most people recognise a few and shrug at the rest.
You are a boy. That part has never been in question.
The clothes are the part other people cannot process.
You own more skirts than your sister and get asked, weekly, whether you are "becoming a girl". You are not. You are becoming better dressed.
The word "girl" does not land on you.
"Pretty" does, and you have made your peace with liking it.
Half the compliments you get online come with a request attached, and you have learned to close the message before the second line.
You have watched a trans woman explain her life and thought: no, that is not it — I want the dress, not the change.
Shaving your legs, painting your nails and being called "he" in the same afternoon is not a contradiction to you.
You have wondered, in a quiet moment, whether the wardrobe is the whole story. Wondering is allowed. It is also not an answer.
Pronouns
Pronouns
He/him, for most femboys, because most femboys are boys. Some use he/they. A femboy who is non-binary or trans uses whatever fits that. The pronoun follows the person, not the skirt; nobody's pronouns change because they put on tights.
Consider another path
This might not be your word if…
- 1"Boy" is the part that has stopped fitting. If what you want is to be read as a girl, all day, by everyone, that is transfeminine territory, and the skirt was the first sign rather than the whole thing.
- 2You are a girl, or non-binary and femme, and someone applied the word to you from outside. It is a word for masculine-side people. On you it is simply wrong.
- 3The femininity only exists in a sexual context and vanishes the rest of the week. That is a kink — real, legitimate, and a different subject from expression.
- 4You like the aesthetic on other people and want a label for that. Liking femboys is a taste. Being one is a wardrobe you actually wear.
Close by
Related identities
Tomboy
The counterpart, as the wiki puts it: masculine presentation on a girl. Same shape, other direction.
ReadGender nonconforming
The umbrella. Every femboy is gender nonconforming; not every gender nonconforming man calls himself a femboy, and plenty find the word too young or too sexualised.
ReadCrossdresser
Also feminine clothes on a man, but usually private, often occasional, and older in tone. Femboy is a daily style you go outside in; crossdressing is an activity.
Read
Transfeminine
The direction where the change is inside. If you want to be a girl rather than dress like one, this page will keep almost fitting and never quite fit.
Read
Boi
A queer masculine word that also does soft, young and playful. Different lineage — boi comes out of lesbian and gay communities — and it is often an identity, where femboy is a look.
ReadFemboy, side by side
Questions people ask
Frequently asked questions
Is femboy a gender identity?+
No. Both records this page draws on say it is about presentation. Most femboys are cis boys and men; some are trans men, non-binary or something else, and the word does not change that. If you want a gender word, look at the identity you hold underneath and use that.
Is femboy a slur?+
It started as one. Wikipedia records it originating in the 1990s as a pejorative for non-masculine men and being reclaimed since; it also notes the word is still used against trans women, who are not femboys and generally do not want to be called one. Use it for people who use it for themselves.
Femboy or tomgirl?+
Tomgirl is older and softer — a girlish boy, by inversion of tomboy, as Wikipedia puts it. Femboy is the current word, born online, and carries more heat: the reclaimed pride and the fetish baggage both. The wiki lists tomgirl among femboy's other names. Pick the one that sounds like you.
The flag
Several competing designs; Jay's pink-and-blue flag (2017-04-28) is a PNG with no hex values; the SVG alternates are gradients with hedged dates ('as late as', 'as of').
Sources
- Femboy — LGBTQIA+ Wiki Definition (presentation more than identity), aliases including tomgirl, tomboy as counterpart, 1990s pejorative origin, fetishisation and community pushback, flags. Fetched 2026-09-03 (via curl; the site returns 403 to some fetchers).
- Femboy — Wikipedia Collins definition, expression not identity, femboi variant reaching trans men and butch lesbians, 1990s origin and reclamation, continued use as a slur against trans women. Fetched 2026-09-03.
- Effeminacy — Wikipedia (Tomgirl redirect) Redirects to the Effeminacy article: tomgirl means a girlish boy, formed by inverting tomboy. Fetched 2026-09-03.
Still figuring things out?
Twenty questions, four minutes, and a few words worth trying on.