A tomboy is a girl or young woman who does things her culture files under boys — the clothes, the games, the way of carrying herself. It's a description of presentation and behaviour, and it carries no claim about sexual orientation or future gender. Most tomboys are women with no question about it, and boyish behaviour in a girl doesn't predict anything about who she'll become.
Butch is a different kind of word: a masculinity grown inside queer life itself, older than the word nonbinary and documented through decades of bar culture, softball leagues and lesbian history. It's not borrowed from men and it's not a phase — some butches are women, firmly, and some say butch is its own gender or describe themselves as transmasculine. Where tomboy is a childhood or general description that most people grow through or simply live as, butch is an adult identity rooted specifically in queer, largely lesbian, community and history.
How to tell them apart
- Ask whether the word is describing a child or teenager, or an adult claiming an identity within queer community. Tomboy skews towards the former; butch is an adult identity, usually claimed rather than applied by others.
- Tomboy makes no claim about sexuality or gender. Butch is embedded in lesbian and queer history and, for some, functions as a gender itself, not just a style.
- A tomboy can grow up to be straight, gay, bi, trans, or none of those, with the word telling you nothing either way. Butch already tells you the person is part of queer, usually lesbian, culture.
More likely Tomboy
- You're describing a girl or woman's presentation and behaviour without making any claim about her sexuality or gender.
- The word fits a child, teenager, or a woman who simply prefers traditionally masculine clothes and interests, with no deeper identity claim attached.
- You want a term that's widely understood outside queer community and doesn't require any shared history to make sense.
More likely Butch
- You're an adult claiming a masculinity built specifically inside queer, largely lesbian, culture and history.
- The word carries weight beyond presentation for you — some or all of your gender, not just your style.
- You want continuity with decades of butch history and community, bar culture, softball, and everything that comes with it, rather than a general description.
When both words are honestly available
- Both describe a masculine way of being that isn't simply being like a man — each is its own thing, not an imitation.
- A tomboy can grow up to be butch, and many butches describe having been tomboys, though the words describe different stages and different claims.
What people get wrong
Tomboy predicts that a girl will grow up to be gay or butch.
It predicts nothing. Wikipedia is explicit that boyish behaviour in girls isn't an indicator of sexual orientation or future gender, and most tomboys grow up to be women with no further questions attached.
Butch is just an adult word for tomboy.
Butch is rooted specifically in queer, mostly lesbian, community and history, and for many people it's tied to gender or sexuality in a way tomboy never claims to be.
Questions people ask
- Do all butches start out as tomboys?
- Many do, but not all, and being a tomboy as a child doesn't guarantee anyone becomes butch, straight, gay, or anything else — the two words describe different things at different points and neither predicts the other.
- Is tomboy a queer identity like butch?
- Not usually. Tomboy is a description of presentation and behaviour that says nothing about sexuality or gender, while butch is rooted in queer, largely lesbian, community and can function as part of someone's gender or identity.