Gender nonconforming means your appearance, mannerisms or behaviour break the rules for your gender. A woman with a shaved head and a welding kit. A man who paints his nails and cries at adverts. It describes the outside, and it is true of a lot of people who never think about it. You can be gender nonconforming and cis. You can be trans and entirely conforming.
Non-binary is a gender: the umbrella for anyone whose gender is not reached by man or woman. Both, neither, partly, or something with no name yet. It does not require androgyny, a look, or any particular haircut. There are non-binary people with beards, with breasts, in hijab, in high-vis, read as a man or a woman by every stranger they pass. The two words sit on separate axes, and collapsing them erases both.
How to tell them apart
- Imagine every rule gone. No dress code, no assumptions, no "make an effort". If in that world you would be content being called a woman, or a man, for the rest of your life, it is the rules you are fighting — that is gender nonconformity. If the word itself still chafes with the rules removed, that is identity, and non-binary is where to look.
- Check where the mismatch lives. Gender nonconforming people often feel completely settled in their gender and completely unbothered by the rules attached to it; the mismatch is other people's. Non-binary people often describe the reverse: a small drop in the chest at sir or madam, like being handed the wrong coat, whatever they happen to be wearing.
- Ask whether a plain jumper and jeans would make it go away. Nonconformity is a pattern of how you look, so dressing conventionally would end it. A non-binary person in a plain jumper is exactly as non-binary as before.
More likely Gender nonconforming
- It is more likely gender nonconforming if you know exactly which shops will serve you without a look, and you are entirely sure which gender you are while they look.
- It is more likely gender nonconforming if someone meaning well has asked "so are you trans?" and the honest answer was no — this is just what a woman in a boiler suit looks like.
- It is more likely gender nonconforming if a parent, partner or manager has told you to make an effort, and you knew precisely what the effort would cost and precisely which gender you would still be afterwards.
More likely Non-Binary
- It is more likely non-binary if you have tried being fully a man and fully a woman on in your head, and found each wrong in a different direction rather than right.
- It is more likely non-binary if you have been ticking man or woman for years the way you would give the nearest big town instead of your address: near enough for the form, not where you live.
- It is more likely non-binary if nothing about your outfit is unusual and the word still does not fit — the mismatch follows you into the shower and onto the form when nobody is watching.
When both words are honestly available
- Many non-binary people are also gender nonconforming, because presenting outside the expectations for the gender they were assigned is one way of being seen. Both words are true of them at once.
- Many are not. A non-binary person can look entirely conventional and be no less non-binary for it. Using one word does not oblige you to earn the other.
What people get wrong
If you're gender nonconforming, you're basically non-binary.
No. A cis woman with a buzz cut and a toolbox is gender nonconforming and still, completely and permanently, a woman. Nonconformity describes how you look. Non-binary describes what you are. Most gender nonconforming people have the gender they were assigned.
Non-binary people have to look androgynous or they aren't really non-binary.
Androgyny is a look and non-binary is not a look. Plenty of non-binary people are read as a man or a woman by everyone all day and are non-binary anyway. Nobody has to prove a gender with a haircut.
Questions people ask
- Is gender nonconforming the same as non-binary?
- No. Non-binary is a gender — one that is not man or woman. Gender nonconforming is a way of presenting that breaks the rules for whatever gender you are. A non-binary person in jeans and a jumper might not read as gender nonconforming at all. A cis woman with a shaved head is gender nonconforming and entirely a woman. Identity and expression are separate axes.
- Can you be gender nonconforming without being trans or non-binary?
- Yes, and most gender nonconforming people are. If your gender matches what you were assigned and it is only the presentation that breaks the rules, you are cis and gender nonconforming, and that is a complete answer. Trans people can be gender nonconforming or not; cis people can be gender nonconforming or not. Being trans does not make anyone nonconforming, and dressing against the rules does not make anyone trans.